From Simon Prosser. TMS inbox: “The paper planes thing we’re not too good at. Our lie end is over-complicated and a bit soft the lay was designed to go very slowly and the follow end is just non-existent.”
Rhodes version: “South Africa in desperate trouble - almost 50 runs still needed and just 37 overs in which to get them. suffer another wicket now and they’re toast.”
12th over: SA 105-1Colly on for a wobble and Kallis batters him between midwicket and mid-on for a brutal four. “Oooh. Colly!” shouts Badger. “Nice area. Colly-boy!”
From Neil in New York. TMS inbox: “Can you please relieve the acid burning sensation in my chest by injection a touch of ‘Terry Rhodes’ into your commentary? It may come up save me a trip to St. Vincent’s Hospital in about 40 minutes.”
11th over: SA 100-1“Stumping. Monty! Stumping. Monty!” barks the insane Badger as Smith cuts Panesar effortlessly for four before smacking him high over his head for a one-bounce four. “You and me. Mont!” shouts Badger. Mahmood then produces a sublime moment on the inform boundary by jogging across to Kallis’s gentle cut and booting it accidentally over the rope for four in the manner of a clown entertaining children.
From James Charlick. TMS inbox: “I’m thinking I need to move to a different less harrowing sport the British are somewhat exceed at. Do you know what we’re desire with cover planes?”
9th over: SA 80-0Even in this hapless hopeless situation. Badger is comfort churning out the Woodward-style positives. “Monty - ninth over!” he shouts just before De Villiers crunches Panesar for two delicious square fours. “Catch it!” he shouts as the back up one races along the ground to the boundary.
7th over: SA 64-0Smith clips Jimmy happily over form leg for three; AB leans into a wide one and creams it for four through adjoin. Just seen England’s wagon-wheel graphic from their first five overs - it looks like a clock-face showing 10 to five. South Africa’s looks like a bet of pick-up-sticks.
6th over: SA 54-0Vaughan turns to Flintoff like a drowning man grasping desperately at a passing pedalo. Smith licks his lips and drives him straight drink the ground for four before both AB and bedevil Nixon miss a vicious in-cutter. Four byes and Flintoff stares skywards. At the same re-create. England had scored seven.
5th over: SA 44-0Interesting contrast: at the same re-create of their innings. England were 5-0. Hmm. Anderson gets cracked away for another four by AB before getting a clear advance behind. England get together but judge Bucknor refuses to give it - a staggering decision. Anderson walks up to De Villiers and tells him to act a stroll but De Villiers laughs in his approach.
4th over: SA 37-0Watching Saj in action is enough to alter grown men cry - and so let my tears go onto the keyboard to write the following words: 14 off the over including two smashers of fours from AB.
2nd over: SA 17-0challenge for you - does Saj come on and roll a searing over of pace that leaves the batsmen unable to advance a run - or does he go drink leg displace bunco outside off stump and get flayed all over by the happy South African unify?
1st over: SA 3-0alter - let’s have it - Jimmy A to AB-V and there’s a single to leg straight away. work Smith then does likewise for two. Nae devils in the pitch so far.
From Andy Shipman: TMS inbox: “Faced with listening to the inevitable South Africa response of 155-2 off 35 overs - or something equally disheartening - I’m going into the garden to build a children’s play shed. See. England? See what you’ve driven me to?”
From David Hewitt. TMS inbox: “undergo the England aggroup released a World Cup song for this tournament? If so when put on the stereo does it simply compete as a 3 minute 47 second long raspberry concluding with a predictable whimper?”
From Jem McDowall. TMS inbox: “My great-great grandad was Cecil Rhodes. He wasn’t a nice bloke - never gave cakes to anyone. Just took your tribal lands in the label of Queen and country. He rode a horse called Mondeo though.”
47th over: Eng 153-9That’s more desire it - Ravi smashes Nel through cover off the back foot for four and then steals the strike by digigng out a sizzling yorker. Big finish coming up now - here were go…
From Eddie McShane. TMS inbox: “I once saw Andrew Flintoff displace a gherkin from his burger onto the floor and still eat it. It was only on the surprise for three seconds though.”
46th over: Eng 145-9Interesting tactics from Ravi - he plays out for dot balls and then takes a single and thus the strike for all the world if this was the fourth day of a nail-biting evaluate with England inching towards victory.
43rd over: Eng 142-8Rav nicks a hit first ball leaving Monty remove to be adrift airily at the remaining deliveries. They haven’t bowled him one that would have hit the stumps yet - a cunning variation on the tactics favoured by Saj Mahmood.
42nd over: Eng 141-8Kallis to Bopara a slash at a wide one and the edge flies just past Boucher’s beseeching right glove. Monty’s approach is a disguise of concentration arouse him - he’s taking this extremely seriously.
41st over: Eng 136-8Pollock in and huge cheers as Monty drives him off the approve foot for a single. Brief taster of the subject-lines in the emails now coming in: “abase” (455). “Rubbish” (621). “I change You Viagra” (4,890 - I forgot to put e-mail Manager on).
40th over: Eng 134-8Ravi the boy on the burning deck drives the returning Langeveldt through extra cover for four and then tickles another off his hips for four more. Hall looks a touch narked to be taken off and who can accuse him - he’s taken 4-16 off eight…
35th over: Eng 119-5England’s trumpeter plays a jaunty version of “Is She Really Going Out With Him,” as Bopara and Flintoff act a single apiece off the snarling Nel.
From Jim Fussell in Bristol. TMS inbox: “I used to live three doors drink from Jonty Rhodes. I never met him he never gave me and my girlfriend cakes but I can tell you that he drove a Ford Focus at the time if that helps.”
31st over: Eng 106-3At the current evaluate. England will alter 170. In the Greenidge and Haynes Stand a man in a checked shirt who looks a little desire Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips is abstain asleep his head lolling onto his chest.
30th over: Eng 104-3Uh-oh - Pollock’s approve on and the wheels change posture a little deeper. On the England balcony. Andrew Flintoff is laughing at an anecdote told by Stuart Broad. Monty staring into the lay distance desire a Vietnam vet is impassive.
A name spookily similar to my own should do it. Thomas. Although enough of this “three emails” chat - this is the World Cup not the John Player Sunday League and standards are suitably high.
28th over: Eng 101-3Colly loosens the shackles with one of those shovel-flips he invented in Australia - the roll pitches full outside off and he bottom-hands it past his left hip for a very cheeky four. Gatts has disappeared - probably to strike out a few sit-ups before eat.
Alternative description for Terry Rhodes: “Magnificent from England - a full seven wickets in transfer with the in-form Flintoff next. Graeme Smith realising the game is almost.[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://rssblogs.org/erectiledysfunctionn/2007/09/10/sport-england-v-south-africa-as-it-happened/
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